Why I hate the 'I'm Going to Bed' Meme

Lately, I’ve been seeing this bedtime meme on Facebook and I hate that it reinforces gender stereotypes; the husband simply goes to bed, while the wife cleans and tidies the house and prepares for the next morning before her head ever hits the pillow. Each and every time I look at the list, I have only one thought.

I am the husband.

I am exhausted at 9:30pm and sheepishly crawl off to the warm embrace of my bamboo sheets and cozy pillow most nights of the week.

Do I pick up all the toys first? Nope.

Do I clean and tidy my house first? Nope?

Do I fold a load of laundry first? Nope.

Do I do the dishes and load the dishwasher first? Nope.

I give my husband a kiss, trudge upstairs to wash my face, brush my teeth and put my pajama’s on before I collapse into the bed and fall fast asleep for another night.

Does my husband do ALL THE THINGS I don't before he goes to bed? Yep.

All that being said...

Do I get up with my almost 4 year old at 5am nearly every day? Yep.
Do I work 10 hours a day so that my husband can be home with my boys? Yep.

Do I need to go to bed early to maintain my lifestyle? Yep.

I recognize that in the ideal world this meme wouldn’t even exist, because everything would be perfectly balanced, all the time. And I also understand that this meme is simply a reflection of people’s experience that many people relate to it, but personally, it rubs me the wrong way. 

This meme reinforces my inability to fit into gender stereotypes and worse makes me care, just a little bit, that I don’t fit into traditional household roles.

And in the end, does any of it matter?
Which chores are yours and which chores are your partner's?
Which gender you do (or don’t) identify with in any and all respects?

No, it doesn’t.

What matters is that, however you do things, it works for you and your family.

I may not be a traditional mother in many senses of the word and yet in many others I am and quite frankly, my boys love me just the way I am.

So I am just going to go ahead and continue to hate this meme.

Four Ways We're Surviving the Sleepytime Battle | My Sleepytime Routine

Although I hate to admit it,  for a long time  when it came to discussing bedtime, I was a teeny bit of a smug mom, but can you blame me, for a while, I had two kids that went to sleep on their own.  But, karma has kicked in, these days I have a negotiating,  manipulative four year old who is not against screaming and flailing to get his way.

Have you read the book 'Go the F**k to Sleep'?  In a nutshell, that's Bolt, except you can sprinkle in a bit of the ADHD power struggle to make things a little more fun.

We are doing all sorts of things to help my 4 year old manage his emotions and bedtime is no exception.

Since my boy loves the '4 because I'm FOUR' rule, here's four ways we're Surviving the Sleepytime Battle

1. Manage Expectations:
We started by identifying a consistent bedtime routine and developing a checklist to help our boy manage his expectations and prepare for bed. It also ensures that he moisturizes, takes his medications and brushes his teeth. This goes hand in hand with his calendar, which we review nightly; we use clip art magnets to illustrate what he's doing each day of the week.

Download a PDF copy of 'My Sleepytime Routine' here.

2. Help your child "calm his/her body":
Relaxation scripts are bountiful on the Internet, search for child friendly ones and try to find one that resonates with your child.  Bolt seems to like this Treehouse Relaxation Script and I hope it will eventually become a calming visualization for him.

3. Implement rhythmic white noise:
I ordered a noise machine and with the help of ocean waves, when he's tired and relaxed, Bolt seems to be settling into sleep in 10-15 minutes if I lay with him. Interesting fact, our psychologist tells us that rhythmic sounds change the way neurons fire in the brain and helps calm the body.

4. Go with the flow:
In the few weeks we've been following this routine, Bolt has been willing to do the relaxation script about 2/3 of the time. Some days he's eager to do his deep breaths on his own, others he isn't interested at all. It's his routine, he can skip steps if he wants, but he can't replace them with steps we've already done such as playing or reading. After 'calm my body' the only step left is sleepytime and that I'm firm about.

How do you survive the sleepytime battle?
Do you have a sleepytime routine?
Do you use white noise?