A Marvelous Morning

This morning I was happily awakened by a subtle buzzing on my wrist and the best part about it was that didn't wake up my almost 3 year old minion that was sound asleep bedside me. 

In an effort to thwart 4am wakeup calls, we've been cutting Simba's naps short and letting him stay up about an hour later each evening and after a few crazy weeks and a time change, we now have a boy that gets up between 530 and 6am, unless he hears his mom get up for work at 5.

With a sick hubby infecting my bed, I was sharing with Simba last night and was pleasantly surprised when he didn't wake when my Fitbit (which has been lost for a week) woke me.

I had a shower, got dressed, blow dried my bangs, made coffee and almost had my breakfast made before my little man showed up.

As much as I love him, that half an hour alone was amazing and even though it's not even 630 am yet, I feel more relaxed and awake than I have in ages.

Now, the question is, HOW do I make THIS happen every day?

Do you have an early riser? How do you get a moment to yourself in the morning?

Four Ways We're Surviving the Sleepytime Battle | My Sleepytime Routine

Although I hate to admit it,  for a long time  when it came to discussing bedtime, I was a teeny bit of a smug mom, but can you blame me, for a while, I had two kids that went to sleep on their own.  But, karma has kicked in, these days I have a negotiating,  manipulative four year old who is not against screaming and flailing to get his way.

Have you read the book 'Go the F**k to Sleep'?  In a nutshell, that's Bolt, except you can sprinkle in a bit of the ADHD power struggle to make things a little more fun.

We are doing all sorts of things to help my 4 year old manage his emotions and bedtime is no exception.

Since my boy loves the '4 because I'm FOUR' rule, here's four ways we're Surviving the Sleepytime Battle

1. Manage Expectations:
We started by identifying a consistent bedtime routine and developing a checklist to help our boy manage his expectations and prepare for bed. It also ensures that he moisturizes, takes his medications and brushes his teeth. This goes hand in hand with his calendar, which we review nightly; we use clip art magnets to illustrate what he's doing each day of the week.

Download a PDF copy of 'My Sleepytime Routine' here.

2. Help your child "calm his/her body":
Relaxation scripts are bountiful on the Internet, search for child friendly ones and try to find one that resonates with your child.  Bolt seems to like this Treehouse Relaxation Script and I hope it will eventually become a calming visualization for him.

3. Implement rhythmic white noise:
I ordered a noise machine and with the help of ocean waves, when he's tired and relaxed, Bolt seems to be settling into sleep in 10-15 minutes if I lay with him. Interesting fact, our psychologist tells us that rhythmic sounds change the way neurons fire in the brain and helps calm the body.

4. Go with the flow:
In the few weeks we've been following this routine, Bolt has been willing to do the relaxation script about 2/3 of the time. Some days he's eager to do his deep breaths on his own, others he isn't interested at all. It's his routine, he can skip steps if he wants, but he can't replace them with steps we've already done such as playing or reading. After 'calm my body' the only step left is sleepytime and that I'm firm about.

How do you survive the sleepytime battle?
Do you have a sleepytime routine?
Do you use white noise?

The Unexpected Effect of Potty Training on Naptime

If you can believe it, until about a month ago, the boy would happily toddle upstairs for a nap nearly every day. Lucky, I know.  Unfortunately an unexpected side effect of potty training has been a sudden refusal to nap.  The little guy may be almost three, but he still needs a nap; he's exhausted and constantly has bags under his eyes.

For the first couple of weeks I alternated between putting him in his room (and allowing him to scream for 10-20 minutes until he fell asleep) and plopping him on the couch with a movie so he would veg out for an hour or so and unwind.  Unfortunately, he then started to outlast me with the screaming and I eventually stopped trying to get him to nap altogether.

A month of not napping is definitely catching up with him, the other day he told me 'I tired' at 10am.  He promptly laid down on the couch and asked for a blanket and 'a little tv'.  Unfortunately these days a rest on the couch is simply not having the desired effect.  He doesn't rest for long and his cranky, moody, tired self promptly returns.

All of this I could probably live with, but the boy is the type of child that needs his sleep.  Sadly, the combination of an overtired and overstimulated boy frequently results in night wakings, based on my readings (and the fact that I had them) I assume they are night terrors.  He screams and screams and is not particularly soothed by our presence; in fact the only thing that calms him is leaving his room.  Although we do sometimes let him watch a show on TV, we don't want that to become habit so we try to avoid it.

Lately he's been waking just as we are going to bed and we have been letting him sleep in our bed, something we have worked very hard to avoid.

We have NEVER let him sleep in our bed before and we certainly don't want that to become a habit, so this week I started forcing him to nap again.  It seems easier to get him to nap in the day then to try and get him back into his room in the middle of the night.  Fortunately both yesterday and today, the screaming lasted only 20 minutes before he fell asleep.  He obviously needs the nap, I had to wake him up from a pretty deep sleep at 3:30 after a two hour nap and he still went to bed without a fuss at 7pm.

Did potty training have any unexpected effects? Do your kids nap? Do you let your kids sleep in your bed? Do your kids wake with night terrors? How do you cope?

I Believe in Sleep Training

Perhaps a controversial post title, but its true.  Despite the wondrousness of snuggles and cuddles, I don't believe that we are doing our children any favours if we don't teach them the skills to fall asleep on their own and begin to soothe themselves when they wake.  That said, I also don't believe in letting my children scream indefintely in an attempt to teach them said skills.

I want them to feel supported, loved and cared for, I want them to fall asleep knowing that I am there if they need me.  It may sound like a contradiction, but sleep training means many different things to many different people and for us, all of this is achievable.  I use the Baby Whisperer's pick up/put down (pu/pd) method as a general guideline.  Pu/pd doesn't mandate crying it out, in fact you are instructed to go to your child if they start to cry.  The trick is not to revert to soothing your child back to sleep, but rather allow them to do that for themselves, once they settle.

I recognize there are many methods of sleep training, and many people both for and against it; regardless, here are some tips and tricks that work for us.  It's been just over a week and already the baby boy has started falling asleep without me in the room, at least most of the time.

Routine
Establish a strong 'sleepytime' routine.  For us that includes a diaper change, a swaddle, a book, a quick snuggle and lullaby then upstairs and into the crib.  Be consistent with your words and signs (if you are using them) so your baby can begin to recognize what is happening.  I always tell my boys when we are getting ready for 'sleepytime' and tell them 'night night its sleepytime' whenever I leave their room.

Shush-Pat
When you put the babe into the crib, there is no need to just drop them and get out of dodge.  Provide a little comfort, let him feel your presence.  Rhythmically pat his belly (or back) while making a soft shushing sound, if the baby seems unsettled, I often tell him 'its ok, its just sleepytime' and sometimes I even sing a lullaby while I pat his back.  The first few days the baby boy fell asleep while I patted him, and that's ok.  Don't worry, as you settle into the routine you can cut the shush patting shorter and shorter, in fact you likely won't even need it after a while. 

Pick him up
Quite simply, if your baby is crying and needs you, go to him.  Pick him up.  Try not to rock, pat, sing or otherwise soothe your child. This is hard and I sometimes break this rule but its worth trying to do.

Put him down
As soon as he settles, put him back into his crib and use your key words: ours are 'night night, sleepytime'.   Give more shush pats as needed.  If the baby starts to scream on the way back to the crib, lay him all the way down before you pick him up again so that you aren't rewarding the crying.

Grumbles vs cries
Know the difference between a grumble and a cry, they are very different things.  If your child is making noises, lightly crying or whining he may be either playing or trying to settle and soothe himself.  Don't go into the room, he's ok.  If however he srarts wailing and pulling on your heartstrings, don't hesitate, go to him.

Leave the room
If your baby seems to be settling with the shush pats, don't linger, leave the room.  You may not get very far before he calls you back the first few times, but he'll get used to it.  Use comforting and consistent words when you leave and don't be afraid to use a mobile or white noise if your baby likes it.  The baby boy likes the heartbeat sound and if he doesn't seem to be acting sleepy, but I know he is, I'll turn on the mobile when I leave.  I haven't had to go back in the last 4-5 times I left the baby boy watching the mobile, what a good boy.

Don't stop
Finally, the most important thing, once you start sleep training, don't stop.  Don't give in.  Don't revert back.  Even though it may seem easier in the moment, every time you revert back to your old sleep methods the babe is winning a little battle.  At my house, I try and keep the cards stacked in my favour, I want to win those battles and you should too.

For us, sleep training works, not only does it give my boys essential skills, its gives Mom and Dad a little bit of a break.  I did sleep training with the boy at 5 months, we went from 45 minutes of swaddling, rocking and cuddling to sleeping on his own within a span of just over two weeks.  The baby's sleep routine was much shorter than the boys, so I didn't officially begin sleep training until he was almost 6 months old.  After just over a week, things are going smoothly, we are falling into a good sleepytime routine and the baby's starting to fall asleep on his own.

How do you feel about sleep training?  Do you belive in it?  Has it worked for your family?  What are your tricks to make it work? 

big boys still need their momma

At 21 months old, the boy is bursting with independence.  He crawls on chairs and couches, he asserts his choices in food, toys and television shows, he helps with laundry, dishes and sweeping.  Today he even fed the cats and I couldn't be prouder.

But today, tonight, I was also reminded of both his innocence and dependence.

The boy goes to sleep on his own, we change his diaper, apply a plethora of creams, give him some milk, read him some stories and put him to bed.  He usually reads his books in his bed for about 10 minutes then drifts off to sleep.  Tonight, he decided he was not ready for bed.  He didn't want any books, he just wanted to play, so we let him.  We told him it was sleepytime, we turned on his stars and left him to his own devices.

An hour later, he seemed to have finished playing, but was now banging on his bedroom door.  The noise subsided and we assumed the boy went to sleep.

About an hour and a half later, we heard a long whine, not quite a cry but clearly something out of the ordinary.  As I attempted to open his bedroom door, I realized that the boy has left his toys in front of his door, again.  However, as I slid through the door I realized it wasn't his toys in front of the door, the boy had actually fallen asleep right in front of his door.

I immediately scoop up my barely awake little man and he nuzzles right into my chest.  He certainly doesn't smell like 'baby' anymore, yet he smells delicious to me nonetheless.  I sing him a song and ask if he wants another; he simply mutters 'don't' and snuggles closer.  In moments he's fallen back into a deep slumber.  He doesn't even stir when I put him into his bed.

The boy was 5 months old when we sleep trained him and he's rarely fallen asleep on me since.  I'd forgotten how amazingly special it feels to hold him and kiss his forhead as he drifts off to sleep in the perfectness of momma's embrace.  I held him longer than needed, just relishing in the moment, in his innocence, in his need.

sleep changes

photo by the hubs 

Last night was the first in about two weeks that the boy slept throught the night.  It's been awful.  It's amazing to think how we function as new mother's.  I remember my midwife telling me that I had to ensure I got at least a total of six hours of sleep per day, even if it was broken up.

Now, almost 18 months later, a mere two weeks of broken sleep and I feel like a mess.  It started with a nasty bought of teething, which surprisingly resulted in two top molars cutting.  Once the teething started to ease up however, the boy started experiencing what I suspect are night terrors.

Multiple times this week the boy has woken up screaming and flailing within about two hours of falling asleep.  He did not seems to be soothed or calmed by our parental presence and when he did finally settle, as soon as I got close to putting him back in his crib he would resume screaming.  We ended up sleeping together in the spare bedroom a few times this past week just so I could get some rest and the boy was out like a light within moments of laying down.

After discussions with my Mom (I suffered from night terrors too) and reading through some Google search results, I feel like I have a better handle on what we might be facing.

What a conundrum, tired toddlers are more likely to experience terrors, but how do you get your child to sleep when he keeps having terrors?  We decided to focus on comfort.  Last night I had a nice bath with the boy, we washed and played then went about our nighttime routine.  Only last night I decided to put a light quilt into the boys bed so that I could tuck him in nice and tight.

This was not a random act, recently I've noticed that more and more the boy is putting his head on my shoulder and his hands at his sides when we have our pre-sleepy-time snuggles.  He is essentially assuming the swaddle position and that's absolutley about comfort for him.  Tucking him in seemed like a reasonable extension to swaddling, especially now that the boy's a toddler and the suffocation risks associated with blankets in the bed are long gone. 

I don't know if tucking the boy in had anything to do with sleeping through the night, with no wake-ups and no terrors, but I do know he calmed and settled in quickly when I tucked him in.  I did it again tonight and now we've passed the two hour mark without any incident.  I suspect I'll be tucking the boy in each night from this point on, I don't really see any downfalls and in all truth its starting to feel like fall around here so an extra blanket will surely be welcome.

Do you tuck your little one in?
How old was your little one when you started to tuck them in?