Sometimes, I'm super nerdy.

I'm a nerd, and I'm totally ok with it. I don't really have a clever definition of what that means, but its always felt like it was the right word, if I had to classify myself (why I need to classify myself, I don't know).

Here's an example, I've been working on a Project at work for over year and its time to write the report. And I'm kind of excited. Tonight, when I was brushing my teeth tonight, I realized I was thinking about the outline I'd written at work a couple days ago.

And I was reminded, that once, writing reports was a fact of life. And, if I think about it, I already have a process. A way that works for me; I take breaks in the process, and it flows organically.

How I write a report:

• I do research immediately to see what kind of resources are available. Then I spend a couple days thinking about it.
• I write an outline. Then I spend a couple days thinking about it.
• I write the sections, independently, one by one. Then I might spend a couple days thinking about them.
• I write the text to connect the sections.Then I spend a couple days thinking about it.
• I read, edit and review everything. Then, ideally, I spend a couple days thinking about it.
• I read, edit and review everything, again.
• And then, I make it final.

I'm super excited to remember, I GOT THIS.

Seriously, though, that's super nerdy right?

And, I love that about me.

Guilt

Guilt. We all have it. Men, Women even children, no one is exempt. Dictionary.com defines Guilt as “a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.” It’s that last part of the definition that speaks to me, that I suspect plagues parents the most; the imagined wrongs that we carry around with us. The feeling that we are letting down or even failing our children or our families.

• I feel guilt because I work full-time; I spend 9 out of every 10 work days away from my son.
• I feel guilt because I like working.
• I feel guilt that I’m thinking about blogging when I should be thinking about working.
• I feel guilt that I haven’t planned dinner for this evening and I’m worried that the meal won’t be as nutritious and healthy as it should be.
• I feel guilt that sometimes I just want to be alone; No hubs, No boy just me, a hot bath and a book.
• I feel guilt that sometimes I’m too soft on the boy.
• I feel guilt that sometimes I’m too hard on the boy.
• I feel guilt that I was cranky last night and didn’t fully embrace my evening alone with the boy.
• I feel guilt that my own dietary restrictions affect the boys food choices.
• I feel guilt that I buy the boy too much and worry that he will become materialistic.
• I feel guilt that I can’t provide my cats with the level of love and attention they were used to before the arrival of the boy.

 I could keep going, but really there is no need. You’re a parent too (I assume) and you have guilt too.

I know most of these things are just the struggles of parenthood, of the challenges we face as adults living our lives. I do my best not to let these feelings run my life or overtake my perspective. In fact, I’m a bit of an eternal optimist; my glass is always half full. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel guilt or that I don’t give in to it sometimes, it just means I don’t let guilt guide my life or the direction it takes. 

• I am strong.
• I know that I am giving all that I have to be the best parent I can be.
• I know that the boy feels the love that I have for him.
• I know that my intentions are always good, even if the outcome is less than ideal.
• I know that there is nothing more important than family.
• I know that despite the fact that sometimes it’s a bumpy ride, I am on the right road for me.
• I know that guilt is only one emotion of many and I can’t allow it to overshadow the others.
• I know my life is full of love and laughter.
• I know that negativity benefits no one.
• I embrace my life and I know that every experience and every struggle is just another step in my journey.

Do you struggle with guilt? Or do you have another emotion that occasionally gets the best of you? How do you keep yourself from giving in to the negativity?